she loose her limbs in mine. we are connected. her sighs soothe the grains of sand alongside my legs. nothing hurts. we lay at the feet of waters. half a moon shines around us. we are facing each other. my fingers in her untamed hair.
“you should see yourself.” the breath from her whispers land softly on my skin. her lips touch the inside of my wrist. “you are the moon. i will miss the moon during my days.”
“i am not leaving.”
“you have been leaving for some time now. you are unable to feel your waning. you will emerge with a new name. of course, you are leaving me. you are but a nighttime dream for me.”
“i am not -”
“you should not ruin the moment with disagreements and loud words. we won’t get this time again. you must know that. i can feel it. you should be able to feel the same.”
“i do not enjoy feeling the distance.”
“do not fear it. we all have our purpose. we have different purposes. it will take us in different directions. do not fear it. you are safe.” she takes my hand in hers. both our hands lay atop the sand.
“it does not feel safe. my dreams-”
“i have heard about them. i have heard you scream through them.”
“there is much to fear.”
“i do not believe that is so. what do you fear in this moment? me? us? love? darkness?”
“i fear nothing in this moment.”
“you should not. the earth gave birth to you. you’re only giving birth to the earth. it is honor. there is no fear in honor. there is no fear in love.”
“it will cost me this. you.”
“you won’t lose us. you will only gain. you will receive more than this moment.” her fingers caress my arm where the moonlight is already leaving its trace on me. “you serve the earth. the moon. the sun. you serve the ancestors. it will only cost you simple little pleasures such as this moment.”
“i do wish that you could join me.”
“i am pleased that i cannot.” she smiles. her eyes are as wide as the moon and dark as the waters. she is more sleepy than i want to admit to myself.
“you would not want to be with me?”
“calm yourself. i have my own purpose. i enjoy it. each time is only for a time, my love. we must respect it. i do not fear for you. i am with you now because i support you. i know your fears. i cannot take them away. i do not apologize for it. you have been given what you can handle. you will come through. i believe it because you are not the first and you will not be the last. i will be in your heart and your memories. when you feel alone or afraid, remember them. i will be with you. it is all that i can give.”
“the ancestors should have chosen you.” i tease. her laugh is light, filled with the sleep in her throat.
“you are peace. it won’t be always be peaceful. remember who you are. do not mourn this. do not mourn us. i am at peace with us today and what we will become tomorrow. you will love one who is more aligned with who you are becoming. you will love the earth. after the next full moon we will not have any more moments such as this. we should love each other one last time.”
“it feels so final.”
“it is final, love. in this way. we will flow in and out of each other’s spaces in other ways.”
“and that is something i have to accept?” i sigh. a battle wages inside me. i want to perform my duties. i also want her to keep loving me. yet, i cannot have both. that pains me.
“whether you accept it or not, the ancestors have spoken. the elders have spoken. the moons have not remained silent, either. we cannot always have our way.”
“i don’t want you to forget that i have loved you. if i had my way, i’d remain with you. i would have a purpose more aligned with yours so that i remain near you.”
“you are beautiful. if only you could see yourself. you would see that the life i live will not suit you. though it pleases me to hear you say those words. it will help me in days to come on cold nights when all i want is fire. we must go before the sun rises. we have some time. we can do more than talk with our time, i am sure.”
her tongue tastes my skin
igniting flames beneath my flesh
kisses like stars
swallow iridescent tears
thirsting for names in scream
fingertips collecting shivers and arches
contractions and tremors
taking her waters
her salt washes over me
i am almost drowning
we smell like the earth
“keep breathing, my love.”
*image courtesy of jean pierre cremers. creative commons.*